Often, people find it puzzling when they come across a couple who have been dating for a very long time but still aren't married. Although this is their decision and not our concern, the curiosity remains. The frequently asked questions usually are, "Why haven't they gotten married after dating for so many years?" "When will they get married?" "Wow, they've been dating for so long, they should just get a mortgage before it's too late!" "Well, why don't you just get married, how long are you going to keep dating?" Some of these questions may sound simple, but did you know that it's actually impolite to ask, especially for those you don't know well?
Usually, when faced with questions like these, some couples feel offended, some get annoyed, and there are even those who have become immune to such questions and see them as passing wind. Some even respond with a counterattack, saying, "Are you going to pay for the wedding expenses?" Then, the questioner would remain silent.
Now, for those of you who are still curious about couples who haven't gotten married even though they've been dating for a long time, the following reasons might be the background. Curious?
1. Not financially ready
The reason "not ready" is the most common and frequently mentioned by those who haven't gotten married despite being in a long-term relationship. There are many types of unreadiness, and the most common one is financial unpreparedness. Most couples are afraid to get married because of the high costs involved. The aspect that makes weddings seem expensive is the wedding reception held in a venue with hundreds or even thousands of guests, especially if your parents are important or hold positions of authority.
Financial unpreparedness also refers to the life they will live together in the future. Many people would say, "How will you feed yourselves, let alone support children? Living expenses are already high, let alone if you're together." Most couples are afraid that they won't be able to meet their living expenses properly, either because their income is insufficient or because they can't keep up with their partner's high maintenance lifestyle. Although some say that fortune will come with time, this reason is still frequently used as a shield by those who are not ready to get married.
2. Not mentally ready
The next category of "not ready" is not being mentally prepared. If earlier it was about money, this time it's about a person's self-capability to live together with someone else, sharing joys and sorrows, waking up in the morning with a partner by their side, being able to serve their spouse, make their spouse happy, and various other considerations. Couples who have been dating for a very long time but are still unwilling to get married usually want to remain free to play without any sacred bond that limits them and spend their youth with various enjoyable things.
3. Still unsure about the partner
Although it may seem cliché, this reason is quite reasonable. It's possible that someone is only suitable as a boyfriend or girlfriend, not as a husband or wife who will accompany you until the end of life. So why do they still continue to date? Perhaps it takes a long enough time to convince themselves, right?
4. Not approved by parents
The next reason is not receiving approval from both parents. However, due to the high level of affection and love, they eventually continue the relationship for a long time. They have already become comfortable and don't want to try to seek and adapt to someone else. But, it's possible that approval may come when both parents have resigned and don't want to see their child dating continuously. Well, love wins!
5. Different beliefs
Continuing from the previous points, it's possible that a relationship doesn't receive parental approval because of different beliefs. This may also be the reason why someone feels unsure about their partner, to take it to a more serious stage. Hmm, this situation must have happened very frequently. Are you one of them?
6. Still pursuing a career
There are also those who prioritize their careers and use it as a reason to postpone marriage. According to them, marriage would only distract them from achieving their desired career goals. Once they reach the peak of success, then they might start considering plans to get married and spend the rest of their lives with their loved ones.
7. Uncertain about the future vision
They live for today. Usually, those who reason like this are young couples who only think about living for the present without any long-term plans. They still don't know what they will become and what they will do in the future.
8. Not ready to have children
Some people think that marriage is expensive, or they are not ready to serve their partners. Some are reluctant to get married because they are not ready to have children. According to them, taking care of themselves and their partners alone is already challenging (and unimaginable), let alone taking care of a child from infancy to adulthood. Not to mention the expenses they have to bear for the baby. This is what makes couples think twice about getting married.
9. Not wanting a difficult life
Being accustomed to a luxurious and abundant lifestyle can make someone afraid of entering married life, especially if their partner comes from an ordinary family. This is often experienced by women. Even though they love and care for their partner, they still have to think twice about marrying them. The thought that often arises in their minds is, "Will he be able to afford to buy me makeup, bags, clothes, shoes, and my other needs in the future?"
10. Trauma
Traumatic experiences either personally or involving close ones can make someone afraid of getting married, even if they have been in a long-term relationship. They fear that someday the marriage relationship might end due to differences in principles and an inability to overcome future problems.
11. The feeling of love has faded away.
Well, there are also those whose love diminishes or even disappears because they have been in a relationship for too long. They are too afraid to end the relationship because they feel sorry for their partner. That's why it's good to ask your partner before it's too late, so you don't waste your time,
Now, after knowing some of the reasons above, it's best not to ask why someone hasn't gotten married yet even though they have been in a long-term relationship. Let this be their decision. As a good friend, simply provide support and be a good listener if they need someone to talk to and give advice.
